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A set of words I often see and hear are:  “let it go” or “just forget about it for now will ya?”  Most often my mental response to that is “sure, I’d very much like to.  Unfortunately, I can’t seem to no matter how much writing down or trying to set aside the thought I do.”  It’s there in the back of my mind sitting like a large lump of something hard and randomly prickly.  This thing is often something I can actively do nothing about other than wait for the outcome, which is not very active at all.  The very best I can do with it in the meantime is think about how I am going to react and what my alternative options are when the ball is back in my own court.  Maybe that’s constructive but it sure isn’t relieving.

There is no answer as far as I can tell other than tricks of the mind to get past the uncomfortableness of it by continually reminding myself that there really is nothing I can do about it at the moment and actively turning my mind to something I can do something about at the moment.  It’s a short run strategy of temporary distraction.  The only other alternative is to come to a decision to fully put it aside so that it no longer matters when or if there is ever a time when the ball is back in my own court and I can take action on it.  Whether or not the other person or person’s involved with it are still “working on it,” at that point doesn’t really matter because I’ve decided it’s been too long, the worry is too great, and my life is too short.  It is then, at least for me, a dead issue.  It is somewhat of an unsatisfactory conclusion but it is one that works, allowing me to now not just put it aside but to literally cut it out like a non-benign cancer, to keep me from being stuck in the same spot.

There may be better options or ways to deal with these things.  I haven’t encountered or learned them yet.  Maybe somewhere in the future I’ll find a better answer.  Until then, this is “how I roll.”

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